“On Keeping On Keeping On”
Watched I on YouTube yesterday
An older fellow fade away.
It brought back to my mind you see
This weight-loss program’s victory.
Not mine, just yet, what e’er befall
But dad’s – his birthday’s after all
This day of year, and just right then
His trip cut short, turned, faced his end.
It came so fast, though not quick end
As our friend’s dad – three weeks to send
Him to an early grave as well –
From robust man through living hell.
Four months dad had – though given more
As range of life ’fore heaven’s door.
Stage four in liver when ’twas found
Back then just helped by morphine’s round.
I put signs up around our home
Identifying each a zone
Where things could go when sorted there
As we this place to sell prepare.
Big box of garbage bags I brought;
Back-garden’s hill fixed up a lot;
Sprayed weeds; pulled plants to transfer roots
To start again from memory’s shoots.
Who’s kidding whom? – Wrap up I am –
More like balloon-effect, a man
Said in that book on flight I read:
“Pull stick to rise – you’ll soon be dead”.
It’s ‘throttle up’ to raise a plane
The stick balloons then sinks again
Instinctive though it is to me
3-D in air’s not car, you see.
The shock’s worn off, left psyche free
To move along – denial see;
Then bargain with the truth to rein
In this rampaging future pain.
Already anger’s boiling up
(I wonder who’ll win “target’s cup”?)
Then crash into depression’s maw
Till peace at last ends this part raw.
Right now young kids are circling round
A path of candles on the ground
To raise more funds for research track
And push this scourge of cancer back.
Again the question faces me
How best to fill time I might see
This roller-coaster – like the fair –
Has ups and down but circles there.
The Church last Sunday was a blast
Both for my colleague from the past
And for myself – confirmed for each
’Tis stupid that we both are beached.
Lord, as our futures we now face
Please help both future now embrace
As caught between sin’s devious acts
’Gainst us and evil’s illness rack.
Last round I reached for help real fast
The crisis rough – at length it passed
Now this recurring cycle’s round
Less energy in me is found.
I think that ‘s part of how it goes
Each cycle takes its toll from woes
And leaves us drained (though somewhat taught)
Less ready for the next onslaught.
Yes, YouTube’s pictures showed the way
Dad faded down from healthy day
To end with skin and bones, so changed
From who we’d known when he had ranged –
About this town with zest for life
Retirement days – two years with wife –
With twenty years ahead, he thought,
Before this cancer life had stopped.
Lord, through your wise-man you have said:
“Who hates his road will soon be dead”
I hate the road I’m on right now
And long have wanted off somehow.
Please open up my eyes to see
The road of life you want for me;
Then as one said, “So busy I
Became with life – forgot to die.”