Step One In Al-Anon

Step one in Al-anon
     Is harder than step one
          To those affected by disease –
               Not in itself
                    But for the reason
                         Life was kind to us –

Our genes were right;
     Our home was sweet;
          And we succeeded to the throne
               Where we now sit and reign,
                     Because our parents
                          And our kin
                               Made choices
                                    Which have eased
                                         Our present load.

Step one in Al-Anon –
     I fight to let it speak into my heart –
          Because I’m not the one
               To blame for why
                    And how
                         We came into this place
                               Of awful rest.

Step one in Al-anon
     Confronts me with myself;
          Not in its broken form,
               But in its arrogance,
                    Of high and mighty self –
                         Assured forever,
                              That I could have
                                   Pushed the bounds
                                        Of present life,
                                              If only she or he
                                                   Had never
                                                        Crossed that
                                                             Crucial threshold
                                                                  To my life.

Step one exists
     To give a channel to our hearts
          To say the words
               Which many ’fore today
                     Have poured out here before
                          Thy throne of grace
                               O Lord –

Those words which lead
     Up to the plaintive step-two cry –
          “I came, O Lord;
                Came to, O Lord;
                     Came to believe,
                          O Lord”.

Step one exists
     To help us start to view
          Our paltry lives
                In which we hold such pride –

Confronting us
     In ways unique to each
          With this –
                The plain reality
                     Of lack of power –

While swath behind
     Extends far to the distant past,
          And tells a tale
               We’d rather
                     Soon forget –

A tale of life
     Not managed well –
          Not well at all –
               And yet a life
                    Which husbands or our wives
                          Quite soon
                               Will meet –

As psychotropic drugs
     Fall from their lives
          Which eased their pain,
              Or lubricated
                    Rough,
                         Uncertain ways.

For then they’ll find
     That all along
          Our lives are quite the same –
               Which we have also found –

That we’re not only powerless
     When faced with booze,
          Or drugs, or other ways
               To cope with life too hard –

We’re powerless:
     The management of life
          Has slipped away,
               And we now face
                    The grim reality
                         Of being stuck.

We cannot move –
     We can’t get out –
          And now we face the fact
               We need to summon help;
                     Just like that time
                          We left the road,
                               And found our traction gone
                                     There in the ditch.

But here –
     Here at the first –
          There comes for all of us –
               A troubled day,
                    When we admit
                         We’re powerless,
                              And life has now become
                                   So twisted and mixed up,
                                        We can
                                             No longer
                                                   Live:

Our arms can’t hold –
     Our hearts can’t bear –
          Our minds can’t think –
               Our love expires –
                    The day
                         When we at last
                               Admit –
                                    We’re powerless.

For when the illness
     Which afflicts the life of one we love,
          Is truly seen for what it is
              We must admit –
                    It far exceeds resources which we bring
                         Into the life and times
                              Of our small clan –

It’s then –
     That day or night when we let go
          And say in desperate agony of heart,
              “I do –
                     I do admit
                          I have not power or resource
                               To hold our
                                     Family’s life
                                          Together
                                                One more day –

“I do –
     I do admit
          I have no strength to carry on
               Before the creeping onslaught
                    Of its steady grinding
                         Ways.

“I do –
     I do admit –
          I’m powerless;
               And life as it’s now lived –
                    The part at least for which
                         I am responsible –
                              No longer works.

“For no,
     Unmanageable it is–
          Nor will it ever managed be –
               For I have clean run out of tricks.

“And now?
      The energy to fake a life
           Which I can’t hold
                 Together one more day –
                      It’s gone.

“O Lord –
     If there is not some help
          Outside the resource of my life –
               This is the end.

“For I admit
     My lack of power,
          And that this life
               Now goes beyond
                    My power to manage
                         Or to fix.

“Please, help me, God.”

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