Reversion

On coming home from Winnipeg
I almost left the road, so said
To Carol, “I am turning back
For studded tires still I lack”.

So back to Portage, blinkers on
I crept the ice, no CD sound,
Until I reached a hotel place,
Then I relaxed my creeping pace.

Like A/T session on this eve,
Where I'd explored subtle weave
Of mind and body, illness gone
A huge inversion, flow gone wrong.

I'd done my homework pix, and then
A ring of a photos thought I'd bring
Around depiction of my books,
And projects past, with future looks.

I sensed ‘there's something lacking still”;
I could not see but felt my will
Was not yet freed to outward be,
So pictured snapshot was not me.

Not me, that is, with future flow
So I could see where I would go;
The tension of the last week's course
With Carol's scrape was there of course.

So round the circle we checked-in;
I shared my picture, simple thing;
Then that perceiver picked it up
And with her actions filled my cup.

I doubt she even process saw,
Her shift from joy to hungry maw
Of my confinement – took my place
And acted out my stifled race.

I saw it – life inverted was –
Those joyous things weren't joy because
They pressured inward like a weight
Of gold and silver, yielding hate –

Of road I traveled, lone or joint,
“If you're so freed up at this point,
Why aren't you living, moving on,
Now that your cancer's up and gone?

“Your life's a burden pressing you –
You're stopped – and wonder how to do
Your life together down that road –
Sure, stuff is past, but sense the goad –

“Within your mind which presses you;
You know full well what you must do;
Internal picture of your lot
A clear inversion's what you've got.

“So there – my gift returned to you;
My gift of sight; my point of view;
Like Cree I speak, I act it out –
Hey, pick it up, don't sit and pout.”

My mind then whirled, I heard Your Word
Lord, through her actions, mood, like sword
Dividing soul and spirit's forms,
Here at this end of cancer's storms.

The others flowed with process’ walk;
But I saw processed in this talk
A glance, an insight, acted word –
Exploded blockage – message heard.

First swirl of paint a base laid down;
Removed the backing – spaces found
To see the swirl beneath Montage;
Then border glued gave room to add –

More painted swirl of hurricane,
Like HMCS’ storm again;
But still it did not quite convey
The insight which her actions laid –

There in my mind, so on I went
On photo's surface added paint,
To try expressing inward flow
Then changed to yellow, orange, gold?

Then black – for dark attended  too,
Along with ‘strength’, in walk with you;
This strange inversion of my life
Here, in these days just after strife.

Although now pictures here and there
Peaked through their paint – so just aware
That they existed, circled ’round
Our central place – in picture found –

The message was like sandwich – we
Had great potential, but I see
Below (the swirl) above (the press)
Left us ensnared within this mess.

I had not seen – good life around
Inverted was, reverse flow – found
It pressing, stopping, halting us –
Why? Why this stoppage after fuss?

I'd wondered – “Grinding teeth at night”
You'd said,  “not once but twice”;
“How could that be? I thought things flowed –
I thought I newly walked my road”.

Ah! Now I see – Perceiver's word,
“He will not go until he's heard –
Inverted life, it's upside down –
Until it downside-up is found”

The storm is not the problem here;
Of past and sickness now I'm clear;
It's “role-inversion” from before –
First giant met on nearing door.

“It's time to flip that baby round,
To forward move on Holy ground;
The UCC and world are past –
Third Culture's yours, you're home at last.

“So carry on, let past wash by;
You've been through hell, had time to cry;
Move forward now, your turn is now;
Move into life, invest somehow.”

Lord, as I asked you what to do
To make things right-side-up in you,
I hear, “Your crash-test-dummy role,
Was context where you insight stole.

“But that's not life I meant for you,
(Though multi-play for them and you);
The research done, invest your life –
Walk down that road to future bright.

“You know, the one on painting past –
You leaving yacht and Beach at last,
Traversing east your new place found
On a grandpa's Island, dawning round.

Take it, that plane above the bay;
Leave trees behind, it's dawn of day;
Fly over blockage, dead-end route;
Rise up and enter new pursuit.

Tie up loose ends, arrange affairs;
Free up to move now you're aware;
Take hold of life, move on with it –
Revert your roles to better fit.

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